EXAMS - Who is stressed?

Pick up godly tips and perspectives from Pastor Gerald as he answers the what-if questions that weigh upon parents, especially during the exam period.

By Pastor Gerald Tan

What if my child fails?

• Love and accept them. Even if your child fails, love and accept them. Explore with them the reasons for failing. Give them the assurance that you are with them as they keep trying!

• Understand that failure is part and parcel of growing up. It is so important for a child to learn how to manage and cope with setbacks and build resilience. Will they ever not fail? I doubt it.

• But regardless of challenges and failures, let’s help our children discover their uniqueness and identity in God.

How should I manage my emotions and my child's emotions?

• Help them process their emotions. Manage their sense of being a failure and a disappointment to you – it should not change your love for them, let them know that

• We must ensure our children do not get overwhelmed by their emotions or end up numbing themselves. Help them to learn healthy coping mechanisms, so that they do not choose to avoid facing their failures or to explode or break down in strong outbursts of emotions

• Bring our own emotions to God. Talk with fellow Christians in your CG/ministry to process 

Let's help our children discover their uniqueness and identity in God.

What if my child refuses to go for exams?

• Talk to them and find out the root cause of their refusal. Seek professional help if needed

• The most likely reasons for refusing to go for exams, though, are fear and anxiety. 

Pray for them. Disciple them to look to God

What should be the right response from me as their parent?

• Pray for them. Disciple them to look to God in Phil 4:6-7, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

• Set boundaries, explain the right thing to do, and then walk through each issue, one step at a time

• Remember, you are their support and also their beacon. Demonstrate your trust in God as you lead your children

What if my child doesn't care and doesn't want to study? How can I help them?

• You should find out the reasons, set boundaries, and seek professional help where needed

• In addition, help them to take baby steps. Do not wait till during exam periods to do so, but step them throughout the year by setting manageable goals and targets along the way

• Engage with them. Dialogue with them. The reality is that we will often have to do things we don’t necessarily like in life – exams are only one of those things that we face now.

Help them to take baby steps.

What if my child is doing worse than their peers? How can I encourage or motivate them to do better?

• Don’t compare them to their peers. Every child is different, and their motivations are different too.

• Instead, help them discover their passion and grow in their personal discipline.

• Encourage them to keep trying rather than to keep doing better

• Motivate them to improve (against themselves) rather than to get better than others

• Remember, everyone is uniquely created by God. As the psalmist declares in Psalm 139:13-14, "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well;" help your children see them the way God sees them, and to love themselves as God loves them

Final tip:

Pray and present your children to the Lord!

Get our stories first! Subscribe on Telegram @Trinitarian.Online