Four of Trinity’s eligible singles – two bachelors and two bachelorettes – answer seven salient questions about singlehood and inspire us with their security in Christ.
What comes to your mind when you hear the word “single”?
Is it miserable, lonely, or discontented?
Or do you think adventurous, confident, and thriving?
Meet Jean Loy, Desmond Teo, Sister Azaria Sih, and Brother Nathanael Leng – four Trinitarians who defy stereotypes and show us how a life of faith in Christ makes singlehood exciting and worth celebrating.
1. In your season of singleness, how has God pursued you?
Jean: God is pursuing us all the time, regardless of whether we are single or not. His pursuit is constant. I see Him always trying to speak and get my attention at every stage of life, be it in my studies, career, or relationships. God wants to be involved in every aspect!
Desmond: When someone is pursuing you, they are always near you, wanting to talk to you. I see how God does this for me and orchestrates each day so I don’t feel lonely. I always talk to Him, and when I worship, I just feel His love. My heart is content because of intimacy with God, so much so I don’t see myself as a “single.”
Sis Azaria: God is the giver of good gifts, and if He’s given to us the greatest gift of salvation, then regardless of what season I am in, He continues to supply me with good gifts, especially the gift of His Presence.
Bro Nathanael: There’s a reminder that God always brings me back to, and that is in His presence there is fullness of joy.
“You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.
God’s loving kindness and grace.” (Psalms 16:11)
I can always turn to God and process my life with Him.
2. Have you ever felt pressure to be in a relationship? How do you manage others’ expectations and remain confident in your decision to wait until the right timing?
Jean: I don’t know any civilization on earth that does not give pressure to singles to get married, so of course, I’ve received all kinds of questions from my relatives over the years. Last week, I just went to visit a good friend of my mom’s who is 86 this year. When she gave me an ang bao (red envelope) again, I had to assure her, “Not next year ok?” (laughs)
But I’m happy with who I am now. I encourage anyone who is struggling with singleness to know I’ve been there. I know that when you’re in your 20s, it can bother you, and in your 30s, it can be really bad! But God doesn’t want us to live under a societal “label” that causes us to live life lesser than what He intended for us. As I walked it through with the Lord and with good friends who stood by me, I have found contentment at every stage of life.
Sis Azaria: Thankfully, there’s no usual stereotypical pressure from my family. From a societal front though, I can feel it when I see my friends having children. The thought of wanting to be married and nurture the next generation arises. Having said that, I believe we shouldn’t just get married for the sake of getting married.
Bro Nathanael: Chinese New Year is prime time to feel the pressure, especially with family members who like ask why I’m not in a relationship yet. Is it because you’re being too fussy? (laughs) Since I believe God can provide at the right timing, I let them know I’m waiting for the right person. Having a settled-ness in my heart is a lot more important than what others can ask or say.
Desmond: When friends like to ask about my relationship status, I know it’s because they are concerned for me. It does not make me feel less secure; I just remind them that I prefer to wait for the partner God has intended for me.
3. Are there “lies” that you have struggled with being single? How did you hold onto the truth about your worth?
Desmond: I have some friends who feel that they need to look for a spouse to take care of them. But God has always taken good care of me, so my worth is not found in having another person to depend on.
Bro Nathanael: Sometimes in singleness, it’s easy to start comparing. It’s very real to struggle with lies such as, “Is there something wrong with me? Do I need to be more handsome, more charismatic, etc?” But what really helps me to let go is to dive deeper into the Gospel. While I can never be enough, God is enough for me. Christ died for me, and that’s why I’m enough. That’s why I have worth. I have inherent value. Confiding with my friends and godly community has also really helped. Through moments of talking out my feelings and prayer, they help me regain the perspective of finding ultimate delight in God.
Sis Azaria: Sometimes, I experience a “healthy grief” over the fact I haven’t met a lifelong companion yet. But I remember that singlehood does not define me; and if I do get married, this does not define me either. I am complete because God completes me. Do I anticipate marriage? Yes, but I don’t need to chase after it to make it happen. I’m assured that whether marriage comes or not, God is the giver of every good gift.
Jean: “You’ll be unhappy without a man,” “You’re going to be lonely and miserable,” You’re incomplete without a partner!” I heard all these in my teens and young adulthood. But it was in my 30s when God enabled me to find “my skin” – to walk in the confidence of who I was. I no longer wanted to shortchange myself or live on “pause” until I finally got married. I even had the confidence to go up to the peak of the Eiffel Tower and enjoy an amazing sunset by myself in arguably one of the most romantic spots on earth! I loved it! Don’t live by others’ opinions, and that’s when you can live life in the fullness God intended.
4. What are the best parts about being single?
Sis Azaria: Holidays anytime I want! I could go to Timbuktu tomorrow (laughs). The decision making process is a lot easier.
Bro Nathanael: You can choose to do what you want to do (if it’s within your time, finances, and you’re not endangering anyone). I love going to East Coast Park for walks, feel the breeze, and hear God speaking to me.
Jean: I know this sounds cliché, but honestly, I love that I can have undivided devotion to the Lord. In fact, every year, I make one trip with the Lord. Friends will try to join me, but I draw the lines, “No, this trip is just for God and me.”
Desmond: I like to experiment with different ingredients, so I can cook what I like to eat and not worry about another person’s preference.
5. What would you say to someone who hopes to settle down, but feels like they need to compromise important values to get into a relationship?
Desmond: If you need to “lose” yourself to be with someone, does that person really value you? In a relationship, you do not want to wear a mask. Take time to understand yourself and what you really want before you settle down.
Sis Azaria: There was once a guy I was interested in who checked off all the boxes, except the “Christian” part. In the end, my faith was the value most important to me. If you feel the need to compromise to make a relationship work, ask yourself if you’re compromising on something that’s really important to you. If so, is it really worth it? Marriage is one where you can be stronger together, or pull each other down if important values aren’t shared.
Jean: Don’t do it! Understand your priorities. If you must compromise important values, that’s not the guy or girl for you. God will never bring someone into your life where you will have to lessen your standards. If you’re still struggling with deciding, bring them to trusted leaders or friends who can walk you through your decision.
Bro Nathanael: I know that it can be a scary to think that if you don’t settle down now, you might be single for the rest of their life. Social media doesn’t help, especially when we see photos of couples who look like they’re having the time of their lives. But Instagram doesn’t capture the full picture. Settling for someone who doesn’t share your values may result in an unhappy ending. I hope you choose to trust God to bring someone who enjoys the same values as you. And if that person hasn’t come yet, God will be sufficient for you.
6. How do you keep your eyes fixed on Jesus in the present and not what the future may hold?
Sis Azaria: There’s an assumption that singleness is a waiting period for marriage. It’s not! Marriage is great but not the substance – it is a shadow of Christ’s love for His Church. Keeping this in mind, I can trust the Lord to provide what’s best for me in the present.
Bro Nathanael: Instead of fixating on the what ifs or only ifs, being faithful to what God has entrusted to me keeps me in the present, whether it’s work, my relationships, or areas of personal development. I will continue to invest in what God has placed into my hands.
Jean: I seek God to grant me clarity of mind and to fill every area of discontentment I may have. We are all beings of relationship, and our relationship with Him matters. Our relationship with friends also matters. I don’t have to be married to enjoy these relationships. Today, I even have god-children and fairy god-children (which means good things happen when I sprinkle my fairy dust)! God has provided good friends to affirm me in all seasons of life.
Desmond: If I am worried, I pray and sing songs to Him, and I’m filled with peace. Why must we worry about the future when God is with us?
7. What do you do to celebrate your singlehood, especially in a season like Valentine’s Day?
Sis Azaria: Instead of celebrating Valentine’s Day, I take care of myself year round and do the things I enjoy – like hanging out with friends and going for coffee runs.
Jean: Everyone should be comfortable in their own skin! Instead of dodging Valentine’s Day like I did when I was younger, I celebrate the life I have. And to all lovers and couples – don’t forget your single friends over the holiday! At the end of the day, it’s friends who walk you through your days in life.
Bro Nathanael: I go out with my friends and do what we love, just celebrating friendship together and having heart-to-heart conversations. When we focus on what we have, there’s no room for a pity party.
Desmond: For me, Valentine’s Day is also Friendship Day. Two of my good friends, a married couple, intentionally celebrated early and took me out for Valentine’s Day several years ago. In a restaurant full of pairs, ours was a table of three! We really enjoyed ourselves, and it meant a lot to me.
Conclusion
Psalms 16:5 says:
“Lord, you alone are my portion and my cup; you make my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance.”
Singles, you never walk alone. In Christ, you are confident and secure because He loves you for who you are in the present. As Jean, Desmond, Sister Azaria, and Brother Nathanael shared, the journey may not always be a bed full of roses, but you are not defined by society’s labels or stereotypes.
You have shown us that you live life to the fullest, enjoying purpose, joy, and meaningful relationships every step of the way. You inspire us, and we celebrate you!
Reflect & Respond
Are you struggling to find contentment as a single? God cares for you. Seek out a godly community that can pray with you and support you on this journey. You never walk alone!
Do you have single friends you’d like to appreciate? Love them in tangible ways – for example: encourage them with inspirational cards found in Trinity’s 2022 Calendar!
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